The Anger Games

July 26th, 2012 // 5:36 pm

The Communication Trail from anger to the afterglow of orgasm is a private pathway that each couple must carve together.

It is time for us all to leave gender prejudice behind. The separation of sexes, inherited from ages past, has left an angry wound that irritates and never seems to totally heal. This irritation festers beneath an emotional crust until it explodes from deep inside the core of a relationship that has never learned how to deal with the often overwhelming force of anger. Our next three blogs will deal with deflecting anger into a post-orgasmic state with uninhibited sex. We want you to feel the discord that exists when couples find themselves lost and confused in that painfully emotional void of unexpressed anger.

To help get you involved we will create a question and answer format. There is no need to share or even record your answers. While this blog is designed for couples in a committed relationship we suggest that each partner read and consider the articles on their own, read slowly and think. After each partner has read separately sit together and expand your thoughts into one.

1. Anger creates a need that demands emotional relief. Is maturity better reflected by passive silence or lively confrontation?

a) Silence   b) Confrontation   c) Sometimes silence and sometimes confrontation

We all scream at anger. At times we scream in silence. In this silent state there is no sharing. If a committed couple claims to never outwardly quarrel they exist in an abyss that will never know bliss. The beauty of an ongoing, devoted relationship is it provides an active front for all emotion. Like it or not, we all are in a battle with our private emotions from birth to death. Sharing life’s conflicts is the artistry of love.

2. When I’m lost in that emotional space between anger and communication speaking is so difficult it often creates silence. I was taught that controlling emotions is more mature so why does silence make me feel like a pouting child?

a) Silence is withdrawal   b) Fighting is painful   c) Dad demanded silence   c) Mom cried a lot

As children we watched our parents. Strong and silent or tearfully withdrawn, they searched for a pathway through their anger. We watched them, but we could never feel what they truly felt. Now is our time. Forget Mom and Dad. Fight it out then begin to build a truce. Sadly, there are many who enjoy that silent space unresolved anger creates. There are limits to expressing anger and each couple must decide what these are. The laws of our country set strict limits on abuse. Do not get physical.

3.  Which pathway should we use to go from anger’s exchange to loving communication?

a) Make eye contact   b) Talk it out   c) First touch hands   d) Go out for dinner

It’s the look in an eye. It’s the tone of a voice. The easiest bridge across the post-anger void is a fingertip touch leading to a hug that leads to the bed. After shared orgasms talk and look deep into each other eyes and listen while you talk. Romantic dinners help make a courtship great but never eat as anger retreats. The booty of battle is boundless sex.  

The pathway through anger is often much more difficult than these three questions suggest. Think of them as an introduction and not the whole story. Next week we will speak of friends, of sexual foreplay and of course the devastating curse of gender biased prisons that restrict emotional communication.